Joe Pollitt | the African 'ShoeShiner'
African Art Fair 1:54
Photo by Serge Clottey
So I see my therapist and tell him all about the wonders of Voodoo, how I want to join the Gays and take over the world, how African I am, we all come from Africa, surely he must know that. He, himself is Sudanese and been to South Sudan but declared to me he'd never been to Africa and the more I speak the more I can see his eyes widening, like the cat that got the cream. I tell him about my failing shoeshining business and how the Police wont let me SHINE. How I need his help to take down the UN as Aid is killing my beloved AFRICA, which I went to see off my own bat, went to Uganda, spent a small fortunate to see the AID CRISIS for myself and have evidence of the lack of Development in the North and East of the country where those living there, live under the most horrendous conditions of Underdevelopment and lack of care by their supposed Government that is being supported by the Americans and people like ourselves. The Ugandan Government actually pay CNN to never show the world the true story of those inside the country because for Corporate America, Uganda is big money, the people are just a nuisance. I have photographic and video evidence to back this up. Any NGO in Uganda has to sign an agreement that they will not speak badly about them, otherwise they are unable to establish themselves. They are effectively silenced, meaning that any NGO in Uganda are "African Haters" and only interested in dipping their filthy paws into the honey pot that is "AID". I could not believe it, it made me so angry I wanted to explode. The Africans are being used to create "AID", human sacrifice on a huge scale. War and man-made famines, these are pushing up the prices and bringing in "AID" and the UN is happy, job done. They laugh at the "C130 Runners", as they call them, these are my AFRICANS, whole families, starving desperately running after the only chance they have of staying alive. They are running to catch a C-130 Super Hercules military Aid plane, which is filled with just two pallets of GMO American rice for photographers to shoot to say, "LOOK, WE'RE Saving Africa", no, you're helping yourselves and nobody else and the world should fucking well know about this. A UN spokesman in Uganda telling me, Joe Pollitt the Freedom Writer, how to write about Africa, and in his plummy Norfolk voice instructing me to write it as if it where my Mother or Grandmother fleeing a famine. Well I wont write it like that, I will write like this. "I heard from the Red Cross the work is so stressful you fizzle after 3 to 4 years. So Charlie, how many years can you do this before you just burn out?" I asked to which he answered, "I'm here until I retire. Best job ever." My blood is boiling and I am not unwell, I am perfectly fine. The Press is selling us all an extremely skewed version of the truth. The pathetic so-called journalists are just re-writing UN press releases, all too worried never to work again if they do their jobs correctly, especially about Africa, they avoid it like the plague. I can show you all, I've been there and bought the t-shirt but in this Mental Unit in Royal Tunbridge Wells, they don't believe me, well who would? I have a stamp in my Passport that says otherwise. I have an Ugandan Press Pass, not for just Kampala for the entire country, which clearly states I'm a freelance journalist, working for the UNHCR and I can tell you all, Save the Children, UNICEF the whole bloody lot of them, are just putting up their flags and nothing has been done. Money has somehow got lost in the post.
Back in the Mental Home, it's a prison not a home, it is structured like the cells in every Police Station I have had the joy of staying in and eating their shitty breakfasts. This place makes me nervous because I know what they can do. I am physically ill and shocked to the core as we speak about the voices on the radio, which I think are talking to me about Mental Health on BBC Radio 1 (but it was on the radio, BBC1 it wasn't my imagination, my hearing voices, come on, it has been advertised, it's clearly underneath this post...it's real not imagined), I'm kidding about the voices go away when I'm not in the car because to me, this pretend system too, is broken. Looking into Dr El Misery PhD's excited quizzing eyes set behind gold rimmed, round Gandhi-style glasses, I proudly talk about creating my own language, which nobody seems to understand, apples and stairs meaning, "Bus Fares" and how I adore writing to myself on Facebook, well I do, this to me is therapy but the Facebook Police have already come after me on a post about a Guggenheim Museum, can't even mention the American Photographer's fucking name on this platform and have to say "Robert Mapplesyrup" to disguise who I really mean. All that I've shown the world has been deleted by the Internet Police, the White Knights of Google, Yahoo, Sony, Apple, Bill and Melinda Gates, the Guggenheim's of this world, to save the face of this disgraceful Museum. I was arrested on suspicion of being a pedophile, my house broken into by seven Policemen and women, humiliated on my street, publicly destroyed and made a mockery of, thanks Facebook, like I needed that. Please excuse me whilst I just take a deep breath and start to laugh out loud for real. Thank my lucky stars that nobody reads my silly posts but I love the craft of writing and playing with the most powerful weapon we have on earth, our words and our letters. With them we can change every system and point out the rotten apples, and there are many.
Back to the Mental Wellness Institution. The "Doctor" looks at me with such delight, licking his lips, you can imagine his surprise when I share my life story with him, he just thought, he doesn't tick the boxes, goody, goody, gumdrops (we have a complete nutta in our midst) and of course he wants to keep me in for further investigations and wishes me a "speedy recovery"....Dr Ahmed El Misery PhD....(Prof. Uck-Med El Misery PhD), Just my luck, you can't make this shit up! Luke Dunn show this to the Mayor. The Institutions set up for Mental Health are failing to understand their patients lives are not the same as theirs and fail to come to grips with others, in just suggesting this I put myself in danger because the system is built around the thinking that the world is insane. They have built this lawless, uncontrolled, drug pushing system around that very concept and it is not in their interest to listen to anybody, they simply don't have to because they are the "Doctors" with PhD certificates, glorious paperwork, just the ticket and they know best, so butt out for speaking. The Institution is simply bogus, more fraud than Freud as all they seem to want to do is medicate those that speak out and send them all to sleep. "We want Zombies", they seem to be shouting but they can give me the expensive medication but I want to stay awake, that is my dream! Some live extraordinary lives, unbelievable lives but when facing the inside looking out, it is absolutely terrifying and I've been in a Kenyan remand prison, just outside Nairobi for not giving bribes to Policemen, so I know exactly what terrifying looks like. Letter ends: Finally, please feel free to bring a family member or friend with you for support and assistance. Yours sincerely....l am in a personal Hell as they are about to duff me up for my own protection, kick and punch me in face for my security and squeeze my balls for my well-being. They seem extremely keen to break my nose and detach my eye balls for what they like to call a full Mental Health check up. Did I mention the electric shocks on my feet and fingertips, what a buzz! I really don't have any mental health issues but suddenly I to them am "Christmas Pudding" come early. I am a 47 year old man, I am not a boy anymore and it is my duty as a man to do my job. Be proud of supporting the underdog, the African, proud enough to say I am one because that is the side of the fence I want to stand by and just like the educational system that teaches Africans to hate themselves, it is so flawed it is broken, set up to keep the wealthy in their seats of power. This is Biblical and just like Samson, I too want to take down the pillars and expose all that is going on. Do all that I can to make others comprehend that a British System is a Broken System in every respect and I am ashamed. (Nobody is gonna Publish this Joe, it's all in your wild IMAGINATION!) So declare me insane and be done with me. "Minds Matter"....who is really behind this? None other than our Dutiful Royals, off I jolly well trot, spoiling all their fun as they giggle at us "nuttas" out here in the real world, rubbing their hands with glee, jog on! I have absolutely no respect for those that have made their money through the blood, sweat and death of so many Africans. Tell me now, WHO IS FUCKING MENTAL?
Joe Pollitt from the Guardian Newspaper London 29/11/2017